A short rant

I know I really should be working on that paper...but since I can't stand holding this in anymore, I'm gonna write up a short rant before I start working again.

Recently, I have been feeling dissatisfied and unhappy most of the time. There were times when I was able to see and talk to my friends, and laugh too - but those times were only a small part of a day, and most of the time I was being brought down by my own depressing thoughts.

I'm assuming all this unhappiness and dissatisfaction is coming from my dissatisfaction with myself. Every time I'm given an opportunity to reevaluate myself, I'm always so disappointed. I found myself always thinking, "What's wrong with me. Why can't I be like her. Why can't I be like him. Why am I me." And whenever I catch myself thinking like this, I then get mad at myself for not accepting myself for who I am. Then I try to tell myself I should probably change my personality if I dislike who I am right now. But then again, changing your personality unfortunately isn't as easy as it sounds.

I'm also not very motivated these days - for example, even right now, although I have a midterm in two days, I still haven't started studying for it. If it was the old me, at least the me 3 months ago, I probably would've been frantically studying for it by now. But I'm nowhere near being frantic; I am feeling a small burden which is growing by the minute though - I keep telling myself that I should start studying, but I end up leaving my responsibilities aside and going to sleep or just doing something else to escape reality.

My dad has said that I should think about what my dream is - and then once I do know what it is, then I should be able to work hard to achieve it. The thing is, I still have no idea what I want to do in the future, and I'm still not sure if I chose the right major so...whenever I have to work, I always think to myself, "Is this worth my time?" and then I end up doing the assignment right before class starts.

Whenever I end up doing my assignments last minute, I always look at other kids in my classes, and think to myself, "I bet she finished that assignment early and went to bed confident about getting a good grade," "I bet she pulled two all nighters in a row to study for that midterm," "I bet he is really smart and hardworking, unlike me." ...etc. I end up comparing myself to others and feeling so disappointed in myself.

Or whenever I have an awkward social encounter with someone, I always look at my friends and think to myself, "Why can't I be social butterflies like them. Or at least, be confident when I'm saying hi to those I know, like they are." 

I feel like crying, but I can't cry here, because there's no such thing as privacy here; I can't cry without being seen - I'm always surrounded by people regardless of whether I know them or not, and I really need time to myself to cry out all these emotions I've been feeling lately. But since I can't do that without some privacy - I will just hold the tears in. As of now, I'm just really confused and I don't know what to do to get myself out of this frustrating state.

INFINITE H - Fly High - Mini Album Vol. 1

Ugh sorry for the late post! I was planning on writing this after I survived through the 1st round of midterms, but then I got lazy and...yeah. So I finally present to whoever bothers to read this, the review of INFINITE H's Fly High album~

Note: My translations might sound weird as I'm just directly translating off the lyrics...I'm too lazy tired to translate properly, and the translations are mainly for references, so...forgive me XD

INFINITE H - Special Girl MV

I was completely obsessed with this MV for a while. There were just so many aspects of this MV I loved. The variety of colors, the CEO's cameo as the floor sweeper (ahaha), Hoya's cute awkwardness when the girl is in front of him, Dong Woo's skinship with the girl and his expressions...the list goes on.

Maybe it's because not a lot of KPOP MVs follow the lyrics, but I always immediately approve of a MV if it actually follows the lyrics of the song. And already in about...the first minute? of the MV, I was like, "Awww yeah this MV is already looking good." For example, when Hoya has to hug the girl at the end of the movie scene, he stops awkwardly in front of her and is unable to hug her - the lyrics in that scene goes like this: "Why does my body freeze once you're in front of me."

INFINITE H - Without You MV

Not much to say about this MV, except that Dong Woo makes me sad as he does not exist in my life ;___; stop being so perfect ok you life ruiner OTL. Overall, it's a visually appealing MV, although the switch between scenes do get hectic at times during the chorus.


The mini-album

the cover

the back

the cover of the cd holder (? idk how to describe/call it)

the cd

the cover of the photo/lyrics book

2 photocards and 2 stickers
i got dong woo for both photocards muhahaha
it sort of made up for the fact that i got a hoya poster
and the poster is too big for me to put it up somewhere in my dorm
ugh
now it's rotting away below my desk hah

the tracklist page

dong woo~
yesasia is actually selling the bracelet he's wearing in the photo omg
not that it will ever look good on me haha
but it's a cool bracelet

and then um you have to flip the photobook over
i was really confused at first because the photos were suddenly upsidedown after i turned the "thanks to" page
i hope this was intentional

the before of the paint party

the after lol
i like the color of those sunglasses
dong woo looks silly as usual

The tracklist:

1) Victorious Way
2) Special Girl (ft. Bumkey) [Not sure why it says "Bumky" in my copy...uh oh woolim another typo?]
3) 니가 없을 때 (Without You) (ft. Zion T)
4) 못해 (I Can't) (ft. Gaeko of Dynamic Duo)
5) Fly High (ft. Baby Soul)

Comments on each of the tracks:

Victorious Way: I initially disliked this song because I found the part where the DJ plays with the CD? (I'm sorry if there's a correct term for this, but I don't know what to call it if there is one, so...yea forgive me) Annoying. But now this is one of the songs I listen to nowadays to cheer myself up. It's kind of weird because this song isn't in anyway particularly a cheery song, but it bursts with confidence and enthusiasm - things I need to get through every day. My favorite parts include the lyrics "the rule that when I get bigger the world gets smaller," and "we walking on the victorious way".

Special Girl (ft. Bumkey): This used to be my favorite track on the mini album...and now I don't know which is my favorite - probably Victorious Way? Anyway, I really liked this track because...well Bumkey's vocals are really soothing to listen to, plus the lyrics are really cute too. I especially like when Dong Woo raps "But why is reality different from my heart, you don't even know my name, I quietly pass by you again today". I can totally relate to those lyrics, as I'm really bad at confessing my feeling or even becoming friends with a person that I like. I usually just think, "Should I talk to him, should I talk to him, should I...oh well whatever it's ok"

Without You (ft. Zion T): I initially disliked this song (heck, I initially disliked this entire album lol), but now I like it enough to feel a small pang of happiness whenever it comes up on my iPod on shuffle. To point out a part I like in this song - when Dong Woo says "I want to hug you" and he emphasizes the "hug" part (which sounds like warak).

I Can't (ft. Gaeko of Dynamic Duo): The aspect I like the best about this song is Gaeko's singing. I knew that he could rap, but damn, his singing is really nice too.

Fly High (ft. Baby Soul): I really like Baby Soul's vocals here, but the lyrics are really what does justice for this song for me personally. Some of my favorite lines include: "바쁜 하루에 피로함이 쌓여가? 아냐 이건 피로 아닌 꿈꿔왔던 삶" which means "Am I getting more and more tired on a busy day? No this isn't tiredness but the life I dreamed of",  and "끝이 없어 우리 팀 이름처럼" which means "No limits like our team name", and finally "내가 모자랄 땐 멤버들이 got my back" which means "When I lack something my members got my back".


Overall, this turned out to be a really, really nice album. Although by now my obsession for this album has died down (which is a shame), I really did enjoy listening to all the songs while I was still obsessed with it. And although it does sound like I don't like this album that much because I didn't write enough comments regarding each track...but I only wrote so little because I have no idea how to accurately describe my feelings for the tracks. They're all just...amazing. This is an album I definitely recommend. And if those of you who aren't fans of hip hop don't feel like listening to it, I'm not sure if this will convince you to listen at all, but I'm not even close to an avid fan of hip hop, yet I managed to enjoy this album a lot. So yeah, listen to the album when you're bored and in need of new music~I apologize again for the late post, I need to stop being so lazy sometimes...haha xD