When I was younger, because of the heavy influence I received from shoujo mangas, I always wanted to know how it felt like to have someone that would like only you and care about you a lot. I thought just by having someone like that nearby would make me feel happy. But now I've realized that it really depends on who that someone is.
I wish I could say the situation I am in right now isn't the least bit complicated, that it is very simple, but I can't. Well, simply put, I got a prom date. But the guy's my ex, and he apparently likes me "again." Might sound romantic to some people out there, but in reality, it's not.
He's actually the most awkward person I have ever come across in my life. And an incredibly honest and easy-to-read one too. Without him having to tell me, I could immediately tell that he had feelings for me. He manages to make me feel uncomfortable in a lot of different ways, and the problem is, he does not realize that. He told my friend that things got awkward between us after he asked me. He is so oblivious of the fact that things were already awkward between us, thanks to his natural trait of awkwardness. He doesn't realize that I actually always try to avoid talking to him, and only talk to him when I have to, because such awkwardness, is difficult to handle. If I didn't have to see him almost every single day, this wouldn't have to be so mentally strenuous. But since he's in three of my classes (one of them - well it's just the same PE period, and different classes, but still), I get to see him three times in a row on one day. And he manages to have the exact same two frees as me on the other days. (But since I always come to school late and leave school early whenever I have frees, I thankfully don't have to see him then.)
So you might wonder, why did I say yes to his prom-ask-out? I can't really explain. The fact that someone asked me out to prom was enough to kind of excite me enough to say yes. Plus, it's not like I dislike him - he's a nice guy, with a huge flaw which equals to his awkwardness. And it's not like he asked me to be his girlfriend, but just to go with him to prom. It's only for one day, so why not? And, I was just so surprised it just kind of slipped out of my mouth. Meh. AND, he had to give me a box of chocolates. Not that I'm weak to chocolates, but the fact that he didn't just ask me out on Skype or through email, and actually prepared something, is enough to show that he put the effort into it, and that it would be pretty mean of me to turn him down.
Honestly, I want him to forget about me and leave me alone. And sometimes I just want to ignore him for the rest of my life. But I just feel so bad that I can't do that. If only I did not know of his feelings. If only he wasn't so damn obvious. If only he would realize that he's actually awkward and that he would try to fix it or something. Ugh.
I keep telling myself to stop thinking about it, and just simply enjoy prom. It's better than going alone without a date, right? But it's not that easy.
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